Spiralling out of control...

Last week at weigh in I put on 4.5lb (over 2 weeks). This week I put on another 3lb.

That takes me just half a pound below my heaviest this year - which was way back in January.

I fear that I'll have another gain next week - I've got little control over what I eat on Thursday and Friday since I'm at a conference and for some of the meals I expect there'll be little choice, then I'm away over the weekend so the control's in someone else's hands then too.

My overriding emotion at the moment is fear - I'm scared that if the gains go on for much longer I will be back to where I started over a year ago. I've just thrown out a load of big clothes so really don't want to get there, but it feels like it's inevitable.

I knew I'd put weight on over these few weeks - a combination of my sister's birthday, and my birthday (which I celebrated with my wife then my family one weekend and my in laws the next). I think that I used that as an excuse though - in reality I've lost the inclination (or is it the ability?) to say no.

With credit to Joey Trebbiani, if the plan was a line, I'd be so far away from it that it would appear to be a dot. Simple things, like not eating bread/dough or cakes, and ensuring I eat my HEs (usually 2 Babybels and 2 Alpen Lights) have eluded me with sandwiches, pizza and 3 birthday cakes (one from my wife, one from my family and one from my inlaws!) being the key components of my diet for the last couple of weeks.

I feel a bit better getting all of this down in writing - if nothing else it's stopped me from thinking about sticking my fingers down my throat as a quick fix.

It hurts to be moving in the wrong direction - it's like the light at the end of the tunnel getting fainter and further away. Hopefully I will be in better spirits after my next weigh in, but I don't expect so at the moment.

No, really?

I got a bit of a surprise this week - where I'd expected to put lb on I've actually lost 2lb!

I was pretty good most of the time, and my HEs included a couple of days of scan bran, but at the weekend I had pizza, sushi and cupcakes so had expected that to outweigh the positives.

It's nice to get a surprise like that - maybe it shows that although I'm not following the plan 100% I have enough aspects of it ingrained in my psyche that I'm allowed a slip every now and then. On second thoughts, it's that sort of mentality that let me put a stone back on, so I need to make sure I snap out of that pretty quickly!!

The next couple of weeks could be difficult ones in which to stick to the plan - I have time off for bank hols and for my birthday so am expecting to end up over indulging in synful food. I guess I just need to do my best to keep the syns under control.

Hopefully I'll have more good news next week - only 3.5lb to go to my 2 stone award (4th or 5th time round...) so it'd be nice to make a dent.