Last week at weigh in I put on 4.5lb (over 2 weeks). This week I put on another 3lb.
That takes me just half a pound below my heaviest this year - which was way back in January.
I fear that I'll have another gain next week - I've got little control over what I eat on Thursday and Friday since I'm at a conference and for some of the meals I expect there'll be little choice, then I'm away over the weekend so the control's in someone else's hands then too.
My overriding emotion at the moment is fear - I'm scared that if the gains go on for much longer I will be back to where I started over a year ago. I've just thrown out a load of big clothes so really don't want to get there, but it feels like it's inevitable.
I knew I'd put weight on over these few weeks - a combination of my sister's birthday, and my birthday (which I celebrated with my wife then my family one weekend and my in laws the next). I think that I used that as an excuse though - in reality I've lost the inclination (or is it the ability?) to say no.
With credit to Joey Trebbiani, if the plan was a line, I'd be so far away from it that it would appear to be a dot. Simple things, like not eating bread/dough or cakes, and ensuring I eat my HEs (usually 2 Babybels and 2 Alpen Lights) have eluded me with sandwiches, pizza and 3 birthday cakes (one from my wife, one from my family and one from my inlaws!) being the key components of my diet for the last couple of weeks.
I feel a bit better getting all of this down in writing - if nothing else it's stopped me from thinking about sticking my fingers down my throat as a quick fix.
It hurts to be moving in the wrong direction - it's like the light at the end of the tunnel getting fainter and further away. Hopefully I will be in better spirits after my next weigh in, but I don't expect so at the moment.
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